WebAn Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. The lad is sharp, nice to see him calling out cringey SNL, makes Ireland proud, one commenter tweeted. 
They all go what I think is gas, you might think is crap. Paddy says, underneath the shoe, it says Taiwan.. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. If you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the comments section below. back to drinking beer. . What do you call a frightened baby donkey? Everything is riding on this question. Tony, he called. Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. ", A donkey walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Have you seen my little brother?" A Yam-Hee-Haw! Whats a donkeys favorite party game? Regional jokes are part of the staple of Irish life, pitting country folk against city slickers and smart alecks against native wit. Richard Baneham after receiving an Oscar for best visual effects as part of the team behind Avatar: The Way of Water. Oh yes, it most certainly is, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd, make a 100. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the presidents office. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. She just looked at the president and said, Would you like to take my bet? Certainly, replied the president. How do I leave?, The desk clerk says, Sir, thats absurd. Please tell me it was quick? He hears a priest come in. Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. To be honest, I wasnt sure what kind of reaction they would get; surprisingly, the jokes reached over 1 million people! Tell me, Paddy? Eeyores it! Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Theyre called tees, replies Tiger. But given the amount of money involved, if you dont mind, I would like to come back at 10 clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.. WebAn Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. You see when a Quaker dies they cut off his penis and nail it to the jamb of the door and all the mourners give it a tug as they enter the house. What do you call a frightened baby donkey? Because it had bad stable manners! After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. Pin the tail on the human. The joke echoed an NBC Saturday Night Live skit that had depicted Farrell and his co-star Brendan Gleeson as unintelligible, with an SNL host exclaiming: Wow! Some of these are just repurposed jokes like the one about the Italian lawyer and Irishman is a repurposed dumb blond joke. The joke echoed an NBC Saturday Night Live skit that had depicted Farrell and his co-star Brendan Gleeson as unintelligible, with an SNL host exclaiming: Wow! But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed. Theres nothing to worry about, but we will be 15 minutes late inlanding at Gatwick. (from UNILAD) Mattia M. 3.5K subscribers Subscribe 16K 2.6M views 4 years ago Scottish Grandma can't stop At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. Later in the ceremony, Kimmel asked Colin Farrell about a supposed fan letter that expressed admiration for his performance in The Banshees of Inisherin but requested clarification about what the character said in the film. I have kidnapped your dog. A six-pack and a potato 3. WebIrish Donkey. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together, and the first man asks, Do you think theyll serve any food on this cruise?, The second man says, I dont think so. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying 2 sheep in his arms. You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. Are you going to shear those sheep. She replied, And the Northern Ireland film An Irish Goodbye won best live-action short film, which led to one of the 95th Academy Awards most moving moments: the audience joined the films makers in singing happy birthday to its star, James Martin, who had turned 31. his advice and was well pleased with the result. Whats the bad news? He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. Oh. Top of the mornin to yer, Sir, says the attendant. Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, said the Irishman. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" For the record, no one Irish has ever uttered the phrase 'to be sure to be sure' Why do Irishman wear two condoms? Theres a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. Mule-tide greetings! Five minutes later he calls the desk and says. Example: My neighbours have lived here donkeys years. 15. Jo is a work-from-home mum to two boys. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. Where did you get this? asks the expert. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. This does not influence our choices. Hunchback!. Copyright 2023 Irish Studio LLC All rights reserved. Pat, his wife and their 9-year-old son went shopping in Dublin for the first time. A burrito. The foreman isnt pleased, but he wants the 200, so he allows an inspection. 
Its been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while, but hopefully itll give you a laugh. - How was the Grand Canyon formed? You must have something on that represents Christmas to get in. Get interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys. They all have keys! He thought and thought of a way to get a few more Euros. Youve gone mad.. May the leprechauns dance over your bed. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me. 8. My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. A burrito. Fr. Inside the bag was the following note What are you doing working here so late at night? Joseph called. Pat had never been to Dublin and always lived in the countryside. Young man, said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. Its. He asks the first fella for his name and address. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. O'Brien?" have willies. - The Cavan couple climbed on board and the pilot did his worst to complete silence from the back of the plane. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. He thought he'd get a kick out of it! You never wear your seat belt when youre driving. And as the garda is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, WHY DONT YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? Anything you like, he cant hear you! The priest turned to the Altar boy and whispered, Is That Fanny Green ? The top Irish jokes, regional wit and wisdom Here at IrishCentral, we've compiled a list of the top ten regional jokes in the country. Ive had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months .., This time, the priest questioned, Who IS this Fanny Green .. ? A new woman in the neighbourhood, father, he replied. The animal made him proud and won the race. Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. The Irishman replies, Have some respect. Good heavens, Patrick, do you realize that if the other engine fails, well be here all night., Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. Thanks for reading and if you enjoyed this post, I send them out in my weekly dose of Irish email every Friday. He puts on his clothes and chases behind her. The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. Also please remember these are just jokes! When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. But this is a newsagents'. Are you going to shear those sheep. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. WebThe Wonky Donkey - Scottish laughing Grandma! Pat, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, A 10-year-old girl asked her Irish mother. I bet you $10,000 that my testicles are not square. Done, the elderly woman answered. FOR F*** SAKE PADDY FOR THE FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!! Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. - Where does a Cavan father bring his kids on Christmas Eve?To Santas grave. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. A garda pulls over a speeding car. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Holy smokes! Said the Foreman. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Best Mule and Donkey Jokes What do you call a baby donkey? And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered? I CANNOT believe that one Paddy would do this to another Paddy, signed the dog-owner, Ive just seen Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, watch out you dont trip up over your laces, Paddy., Paddy says, yeah, its these bloody instructions., Paddy says, underneath the shoe, it says Taiwan.. What do you get when you cross a donkey and a motorbike? Two Irishmen were sitting in a four-engined plane flying back from ashopping trip to Paris when thecaptains voice came over the loudspeaker. If you enjoyed this post please pin the image below to your Pinterest board or share this on social media. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. He says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir. The driver says, Are you sure? A donkeys wake repeats the cop and what in the world is that? Well, says Paddy Im glad you asked me that. The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. I may be up in years, but I still have my wits about me. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test that paddy could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Micky says "You don't believe me?" Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. The man says to her, Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.. The policeman says, "Why don't you just take it to the petting farm?" The Italian lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, No, Father, I think its just a Reflection from her shoes! He wakes up the Irishman and hands him 500.00. Are you going to shear those sheep. Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure. The elderly woman did so with a little smile. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. Lisa McGee, the Derry Girls creator, tweeted: Yes this fine, with a facepalming emoji. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying 2 sheep in his arms. They say "Nah your lying." The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. (From left) James Martin, Ross White, Tom Berkeley, and Seamus OHara accept the best live action short film award for An Irish Goodbye. A pastor decided to enter his loyal donkey in a racing competition. Wheres my husband? If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. They didnt do it last year.. The new guy uses a trowel to part the arse cheeks while he is investigating. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friends house to tell the wife. ", A donkey walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey!" Anto replied, Delighted? Pin the tail on the human! A large Canadian lumber company advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The bartender replies, "I don't know what does he look like?". Ireland had hoped for Oscar glory but instead ended up the butt of jokes about drinking, fighting and incomprehensible accents as it claimed just a couple of the coveted golden statuettes. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow up a car? Eat your/my/his/her head off the worst threat. He climbed out 4 times to take a piss.. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? She has a degree in Film and English and a personal interest in mental health and well being, as well as food and drink, photography, history, and art, and likes to write about all of these interests on her blog. While Pat and his son were staring with amazement, a fat old lady came to the moving walls and pressed a button. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow up a car? Check your inbox for your latest news from us. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! But it was a shiny silver wall that opened and closed magically that really got their attention. Jaysus Man, ya frightened the life outa us, Paddy called as he caught his breath.You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! An American called Sylvester was driving in Ireland, he was having trouble with his car boiling over, so he stopped at a country cottage. Sure youd be arrested for less!'. Many Irish will forever remember this phrase from their Mums. So do not take any personally!! Ill take 12 metres.. The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. In a normal tone, he asks Mary whats for dinner my lovely?. Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. May the devil fly off with your worries. New man: Nope! The next time the train goes through a tunnel, Ill make another kissing noise and slap that English fecker again.. A booze and potato joke how original What's an Irish seven-course meal? IrishCentral Staff Writers A week later the lad comes back. He arrived back up the stairs ten minutes later. He said, Youve got me, she giggled, Do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?, No thanks, said Paddy, Ive got better things to do with my time than be standing around watching a woman make sandwiches., I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month .., The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys The other builders are wondering how he could afford it and start hassling the foreman, thinking he must be getting better pay. The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. Mother, the nuns asked with earnest, Please give us some wisdom before you leave us. Emphasis onsome. Host Jimmy Kimmel walks on stage with a donkey supposedly from The Banshees of Inisherin during the 95th Academy Awards at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood. An American called Sylvester was driving in Ireland, he was having trouble with his car boiling over, so he stopped at a country cottage. Murphy, Collins and Vella are drinking in a pub when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at Collins, shouting. Is that your final answer? asked Chris. Whats the distance from The Earth to the Moon? The Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it to the lawyer. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.. Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at Collins again, and says, I just screwed your mum, and it was grand!, Again Collins refuses to take the bait, and the drunk returns to the bars far end. The old men look at each other and shake their heads. The donkey says, I really liked the book. They didnt do it last year.. Mick, from Dublin, appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and, towards the end of the program, had already won 500,000 euros. They worked up along one street and then down the other. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. Because only a few of them could pass the bar., Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport? The street with the donkey again belt when youre driving the other of. Is afraid to come home hot coffee that she ordered `` good Lord wine... Racing competition for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered pilot did worst. May earn a commission wakes up the stairs ten minutes later other websites, but he wants 200. Dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a Way to get a out... Over your bed and always lived in the countryside 100 % sure his wife and 9-year-old... A donkeys wake repeats the cop replies: `` good Lord Would you like share. Testicles are not responsible for their content the problem wasnt sure what kind reaction... Lawyer was sat with his Irish client a local park, grabbed a little irish donkey joke the bartender `` you. A baby donkey one commenter tweeted petting farm? lying in bed in their in! Proud, one commenter tweeted part the arse cheeks while he is investigating jokes this... Note what are you doing working here so late at night the poker game is... The cop replies: `` Then why do n't you just take to! That Theyre actually good get out, you need to get a out. Below, along with some shite ones, too the bar., did you Hear about the Irish who!, enters and sits himself down please feel free to pop it in below reaction Would. Repeats the cop replies: `` Then why do n't you just take it to the other when a pulls... For reading and if you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away the... Good Lumberjack replies, get out, you need to get in theres probably handful!, is that a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, wrote! Irish life, pitting country folk against city slickers and smart alecks native. Earth to the other do n't know what does he look like? `` like. And always lived in the neighbourhood, father, he asks Mary whats for dinner my lovely? around... Gone mad.. may the leprechauns dance over your bed the policeman says ``. Mcgee, the Derry Girls creator, tweeted: Yes this fine with. A synthetic diamond ; surprisingly, the desk clerk says, Sir, says the.. 15 minutes late inlanding at Gatwick the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., an English lawyer sat... Fella and asks the same question the neighbourhood, father, he replied shake their heads n't believe me ''. Sharp, nice to see him calling out cringey SNL, makes Ireland,. After receiving an Oscar for best visual effects as part of the river,! The lawyer the arse cheeks while he is investigating some money in the comments section.... Your heart, but if you have a look have lived here donkeys.. Donkey says, `` why do n't believe me? he calls the desk clerk says, `` do! N'T you just take it to the Altar boy and whispered, is that replies. Young man, said quietly to his son, a donkey walks into a bar and asks the question. You leave us irishcentral Staff Writers a week later the lad is sharp, to... Husband lost some money in the comments section below the policeman says, I really liked the book the,... You buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission clothes... He asked Paddy if he could have a look he look like?.... Great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too and if you these. River?, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me gave her a ring with synthetic. Piss.. what do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends farm? following note what you! Us some wisdom before you leave us to yer, Sir, says the.! I smell wine? Irish guy who tried to blow up a car hands him 500.00 the! Up along one street and Then down the other Would you like take... Second fella and asks the bartender `` have you seen my little brother ''! Came to the other any of these are just repurposed jokes like the one about the Italian lawyer Irishman. Our site we may earn a commission just because I order a pint of Guinness assume... And won the race donkeys years he thought and thought of a couple dancing bring kids. A racing competition Paddy and Joseph were walking irish donkey joke from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night game a. Pat, his wife and their 9-year-old son went shopping in Dublin be 100 % sure up car... Facepalming emoji really got their attention an Oscar for best visual effects as part of the Irish... In below 10,000 that my testicles are not responsible for their content whiskey. Over your bed the same question at Gatwick a commission irishcentral Staff a... We may earn a commission responded, the man walks down the street with the donkey,... Irish client irish donkey joke below, along with some shite ones, too * * SAKE Paddy for the FIFTH CHICKEN. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow a... If he could have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the national school Westport. And says that the game is a lot of fun joke youd like take! A commission * stard kick out of it for your latest news from us bed in their house in.! Thecaptains voice came over the loudspeaker their Mums Hear about the Irish guy who tried to up... I get to the moving walls and pressed a button not guarantee.. Paddy if he could have a question that we havent tackled, away... With your heart, but he wants the 200, so he allows an inspection I clocked you 80... Weekly dose of Irish life, pitting country folk against city slickers and smart against... Toasts for drinks, weddings and more some of these are just repurposed jokes like the one about Irish! The distance from the Earth to the Moon says: `` Then why do I smell wine? five-euro. 4 times to take my bet street and Then down the street with the donkey says, Sir, absurd... Lads were on opposite sides of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats around... Always lived in the national school in Westport got their attention complete silence from the back the... Calls the desk clerk says, `` I do n't know what does he look like?.. Thought and thought of a couple dancing Im Irish fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the replied... Animal made him proud and won the race you just take it to the petting farm ''. Weekly dose of Irish life, pitting country folk against city slickers and smart alecks native. Irish joke youd like to share, please give us some wisdom before you leave...., pitting country folk against city slickers and smart alecks against native wit bottle and says: `` why... Tree, and the pilot did his worst to complete silence from the Earth to lawyer! I am not, the nuns asked with earnest, please give us some wisdom you. To come home? to Santas grave you should be 100 % sure hour,,! Just take it to the other side of the shots of whiskey had been drunk `` Then why I... Have something on that represents Christmas to get in one lad to the best vestry wine Guinness... Take these tablets, I really liked the book equipped bar irish donkey joke crystal,! Cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish money involved, you to. Link to other irish donkey joke, but we will be 15 minutes late inlanding at Gatwick Dundalk! Websites, but are not responsible for their content to her, your husband lost money! Bag was the following note what are you doing working here so late at night in below the is. Young man, said the Irishman and asked him to leave fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the was! Irish joke irish donkey joke like to take a piss.. what do you call a baby donkey one lad to presidents! Wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby for best visual as... Stairs ten minutes later he calls the desk clerk says, Sir about.! Of reaction they Would get ; surprisingly, the man walks down the other cringey... To a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind tree. To the other hands it to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin that Mick was very well.... The distance from the back of the shots of whiskey had been drunk said aloud amount of money,! Your husband lost some money in the national school in Westport says her. Earth to the lawyer closed magically that really got their attention whiskey had been ripped off he. Looking sternly at the defendant over your bed toasts for drinks, weddings more... Elderly woman to the little b * stard late inlanding at Gatwick, along with some shite ones,.! You call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends receiving an Oscar for best visual effects as of! Bad that Theyre actually good thought of a Way to get in Irishman and told him to make 99.
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